Friday, June 02, 2006
It's nearly 3am, and there's a glass of water sitting right next to me. I'd reach my hand out for the glass and drink the water, except I'm pausing to wonder what it'd taste like.I know, it's a bit silly. But every now and then I'm caught in moments like that.
I just started my first day of working in an office-ish environment yesterday (I'd say today if it weren't past midnight). I took the job because a guy reckoned I could help him out while he was busy with something else. I suppose that's fine, plus I could learn a few things along the way. But it took me forever to decide to accept his offer.
Mostly because I was very afraid of leaving my previous sanctuary. Very, very afraid.
Am I still afraid? Yes. Very. More so than some of you thought was appropriate. But it doesn't matter. I was and still am afraid, which is why I've had to entrust some things to some people. Fortunately, things are still holding for the minute.
But anyway, the first day of work was good. Three news items in about four hours and a little more was comfortable, and this was not supposed to be a light day. I even got to pick my own pictures and captions, so if anyone picks up the newspapers and sees my name, you'll know that the work there was mine for quite a huge part.
And I'm proud and happy for it.
But it still doesn't beat being with the sanctuary. It's not the same. You know what it's like when you've grown up sleeping on the same pillow. It's kinda like that.
A friend once said, "Pillow is soft and nice to be hugged."
Notwithstanding the grammar, I think the point is clear.
Anyway, the mood was quite a bit more cheerful today. Not entirely the brightest of skies, but the dark clouds were away a bit. And that made me feel better. It really does. And though I'm not very good at helping to keep it that way, I really, really appreciated it.
I'm still looking at that glass of water. And for some reason I've got this song in my head.
The problem with me and music is that the type of music I listen to is very different from what most friends of mine listen to. Maybe it's because I'm brought up culturally different. Maybe it's because I'm just weird and stupid. I'd like to go out there and listen to a few pub bands, except I don't actually pub. Mostly because I've got a thing against beer, and the only alcohols I do are gin-tonics and chocolate cocktail shakes. Right up the two extremes, I know. The sinfully sweet and the unnervingly sour. I've got a really polar life.
But anyway, the music. The irritating thing about blogs is that they're mostly text and pictures. I can't actually talk about music without mentioning things people don't easily understand. Because music is such a sensual experience to me. When I listen to music, my entire body reacts. And I know the reaction. And it's just not the same talking about it to any of you, half-expecting you to understand when, really, you can't, because you don't even know what music I'm talking about.
But anyway, the current piece of music occupying my mind? Ima-mo, by the Japanese pop group Dreams Come True (DCT for short). DCT have their own website, of course, right here in their garden. They do a very wide range of music, from jumpy pop-friendly to a couple of funky ditties, right through the entire sentimental range too. Ima-mo is right there in the sentimental-emotional category. When you sing it, you can feel a stretch right along your chest when you inject the feeling into it. It's a very sweet little song. And it's great for practice on the vocals.
And when the song was performed at DCT's Diamond 15 concert in Yokohama (the DVD for which I have, as a couple of you might have seen), I just fell for it. There was Miwa, sitting on top of that diamond elevated and suspended in midair. And there was Masahito and the band, playing the instruments below. It's soft and gentle in the beginning, but when you're stretched by the music the moment Miwa starts singing... Wow!
Even now, I am bound by thoughts of you, making me smile even as I cry...
gambitch [ 2:51 AM]
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
I just got jumped a bit when I saw a cockroach scuttling across the room. You see, I happen to be a bit scared of cockroaches."Aren't you supposed to be a guy?" you might ask. Yes, I am. But I'm still scared of cockroaches.
"But... but... you're a guy!" you might say. Yes, but that doesn't mean I can't be scared of cockroaches.
In other news, now that you know about this place, I feel oddly at ease. Hope this becomes a regular piece of reading for you. (You know who you are.)
gambitch [ 12:52 AM]
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Ian? This was good, well-timed stuff! It really was!Now, back to sleep.
gambitch [ 11:31 PM]
Sunday, May 28, 2006
I just went back to review some of my earliest posts. It can be shocking how much anger I had at the time, without remembering what caused the anger.Like, in this instance. Or in the instance just above it.
I honestly forgot what had happened to trigger this anger within.
But at the same time, I was also looking at some of the old blogquizzes I did. Here's one of them. I re-did it, and amazingly, the result is the same as the second time I did it.
Which Les Miserables character are you?
You're Eponine, the love sick teenager.
Take this quiz!
Strange, isn't it?
And then there is the weird poetry I did like this, the inspiration for which I vaguely remember, but it is a past that, like so many pasts all of us have, we find it difficult to revisit.
Our histories tell us the strangest things...
gambitch [ 12:21 AM]
